Skip to main content

Alcohol & Bipolar

A lot of people with bipolar (and all kinds of mental illnesses) drink. I mean a lot, and they drink a lot. There is a sweet spot between “I shouldn’t be doing this” and “This is when the bad decisions start,” a sweet forgetfulness, a freedom from the absolute fucking grind that is living with bipolar.

So yeah, I drank. And once I was diagnosed and medicated? I drank then too. Did I know that alcohol and psychotropic medications were a bad mix? Yes I did.

And then my psychiatrist said if I didn’t stop we were "going to have a problem.” Said it just like that, like a mob boss. 

He didn’t define “problem,” so I was free to fill in the blank: maybe he’ll stop prescribing my meds, maybe he’ll stop treating me altogether. Maybe I’ll end up back at square one. Oh fuck.

So now I drink maybe half a beer maybe once every other month. I don’t miss the bad decisions. I don’t miss wrecking the all-important sleep schedule. I don’t miss getting sick and dangling one foot out of the bed to keep the room from spinning. And I don’t miss the hangovers.

But I sure do miss those moments of freedom.





Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

What Bipolar Does to the Brain

I’ve been researching what bipolar does to the brain and seriously—fuck. There’s both a lot more research than my 25-year-old B.A. in Psychology could assimilate and not nearly enough. A layperson’s book on the subject is sorely needed. Here’s the gist. * There’s solid evidence that the dysfunction during depressive and manic states causes changes that persist into our baseline states. * There are several neurotransmitters involved: dopamine, norepinephrine, serotonin, GABA (gamma-aminobutyrate), glutamate, and acetylcholine at the least. And hormones that act like neurotransmitters are in the mix, too, like endorphins and oxytocin. * Brain structures yet discovered to be involved/affected include areas of the prefrontal and temporal lobes, the hippocampus, thalamus, and hypothalamus. * Bipolar affects both grey and white matter, meaning both the structural elements of the brain and the connective tissue between them. And by affects, I mean corrodes over time. There’s mor...
Post a Comment
Read more

Brain Helpers, Part 2b

Besides everything listed in Brain Helpers Part 1 ,  science has found a number of other ways we can repair, protect, and grow our brains. I’ve collected some of them and divided them into Physical and Mental for posting purposes. Here are the Mental ones. (And here are the Physical ones.) Mental ways to repair, protect, and grow your brain Reduce stress . Too much stress kills neurons, alters brain structures, impairs memory, and leaves us more susceptible to mental illness. In bipolarites, it triggers episodes. The conversation around reducing stress won’t fit here. For now, this Harvard Health article and this NAMI list cover a lot of ground. Do puzzles . This isn’t a global fix for brain health, but it has been shown to help with attention, reasoning, and memory. Be happy . I know, I know , but happy brains are better at memory and learning, and they kick ass at neuroplasticity. There is a huge (like 30%) global increase in function in happy brains. All of this means...
Post a Comment
Read more

What It’s Like to Be Hypomanic

Like an olde tyme machine with different sized gears, all flying fast, barely staying in place, and the smokestack constantly whistling. Like an electrical fire inside my skin. Like a hyperactive toddler who really wants to play minigolf instead of doing the things that need to be done, who doesn’t care that it’s 97 degrees and humid as hairy armpits . Minigolf, minigolf! I wish I could actually describe to you what being hypomanic is like. But it’s a state of consciousness, so unless you’ve experienced it, the best I can do is approximate it. Alone, I switch gears fast and flap my hands. With safe people, I talk and talk and talk. Out and about I suck it in, keep a lid on it, smile too much, am extroverted and quickly disengage because I don’t want to appear CRAZY IN PUBLIC. I’m exhausted and exhausting to be around. I am in treatment. I am doing all the things I’m supposed to be doing. All of them. Still, I am hypomanic as balls right now, as very hypomanic balls. I am al...
Post a Comment
Read more