Skip to main content

Alcohol & Bipolar

A lot of people with bipolar (and all kinds of mental illnesses) drink. I mean a lot, and they drink a lot. There is a sweet spot between “I shouldn’t be doing this” and “This is when the bad decisions start,” a sweet forgetfulness, a freedom from the absolute fucking grind that is living with bipolar.

So yeah, I drank. And once I was diagnosed and medicated? I drank then too. Did I know that alcohol and psychotropic medications were a bad mix? Yes I did.

And then my psychiatrist said if I didn’t stop we were "going to have a problem.” Said it just like that, like a mob boss. 

He didn’t define “problem,” so I was free to fill in the blank: maybe he’ll stop prescribing my meds, maybe he’ll stop treating me altogether. Maybe I’ll end up back at square one. Oh fuck.

So now I drink maybe half a beer maybe once every other month. I don’t miss the bad decisions. I don’t miss wrecking the all-important sleep schedule. I don’t miss getting sick and dangling one foot out of the bed to keep the room from spinning. And I don’t miss the hangovers.

But I sure do miss those moments of freedom.





Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Embrace the Cheese

Why is it so hard to be kind to ourselves—gentle, caring, compassionate—when inside and recovering from an episode? Because we are not who we grew up wanting to be, thinking we’d become. In that sense, we are failures. Because we are reminded every morning with that first pill that something is wrong with us, will always be wrong with us. Because we were taught to be strong women and men. We were taught that if we worked hard enough, were smart enough, we could do anything . Solve the problem! Pull yourself up by your bootstraps! “Pure Horatio Alger,” says Hunter Thompson, which should be our first clue if not our forty-seventh. It’s hard to be kind, gentle, compassionate, when our brains are incessantly tearing us down, trying to get us to give up, give all the way up. It’s hard not to believe your own brain. But we have to believe we deserve kindness and compassion from ourselves. It takes work. I’m certainly still working on it. It takes mindfulness and self-remembering...
Post a Comment
Read more

Self-Care for Bipolar Depression

Similar to the list for Self-Carefor Hypomanic Episodes , this is the one I use for depression. Some entries are exactly the same, but they work differently here. Self-Care Strategies for Bipolar Depression Tell someone what’s going on. Verbalizing it makes it real and lets you know you’re not alone. Stick to the routine . The routine will get you out of bed. The routine will get you fed and showered. Let the routine take care of you. Try caffeine. If you aren’t addicted to caffeine and it still has the effect of giving you a little jolt, sometimes it can help. Be sure you aren’t in a mixed episode first though. Avoid stressors. Fuck em. Distract, distract, distract.  My go-to is streaming. I save a few favorite shows for the shittiest of times. Some people find more comfort in rewatching. Maybe your go-to is music, drawing, reading, video games. Whatever you can hand your brain over to for safe keeping, do that.  Limit social media. Funny memes? Sure. Doom scrolli...
Post a Comment
Read more

Sleep

All of my life, nighttime has been my favorite time. I’m most at peace, most relaxed and myself at night, when the world has gone to bed. When there is no more work, no chores or errands, and the phone can safely be ignored. Loved ones sleep soundly, needing nothing from me, and I am free to write, to read, to watch old movies, to unwind completely, stay up late in the quiet dark, and simply be. But the number one signal/trigger of a bipolar episode is disturbed sleep. My respite has consequences. So now my sleep hygiene (such a Dr. Kellogg kind of term) is perfect. A good eight hours every night (drug induced if need be). No caffeine after three, if at all. No alcohol. No wild nights out. The choice is follow the routine or lose even more days to the disorder. Be good or else.
Post a Comment
Read more