Mania v. Hypomania

There are two major differences between mania and hypomania. The first is one of degree; the second is psychosis.

Hypomania can do damage. It can fuck up relationships, end jobs, empty bank accounts, and all kinds of other outcomes of impaired judgment and lack of control. Mania blasts right through that stuff and into immediate extreme consequences like violence, jail time, and/or hospitalization. Complete detonation.

And if there is any kind of deviation from reality, that is, by definition, mania. Delusions, hallucination, extreme paranoia—any form of psychosis that can’t be attributed to another diagnosis like schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder—that’s mania. And mania means bipolar 1.

But again it might be a matter of degree. During the worst of my episodes, I experienced paranoia and inflated self-esteem (delusions of grandeur), but not enough to get my label switched from 2 to 1.

Bipolar 2 is like a thunderstorm—there’s lightning, wind, a deluge even. It’s a little scary and bad things can happen. Bipolar 1 is a thunderstorm followed by a hurricane, leaving behind nothing but wreckage, with not just a life but a brain needing to be rebuilt.

And either one can be rapid cycling.

Comments

Embrace the Cheese

Why is it so hard to be kind to ourselves—gentle, caring, compassionate—when inside and recovering from an episode? Because we are not who we grew up wanting to be, thinking we’d become. In that sense, we are failures. Because we are reminded every morning with that first pill that something is wrong with us, will always be wrong with us. Because we were taught to be strong women and men. We were taught that if we worked hard enough, were smart enough, we could do anything . Solve the problem! Pull yourself up by your bootstraps! “Pure Horatio Alger,” says Hunter Thompson, which should be our first clue if not our forty-seventh. It’s hard to be kind, gentle, compassionate, when our brains are incessantly tearing us down, trying to get us to give up, give all the way up. It’s hard not to believe your own brain. But we have to believe we deserve kindness and compassion from ourselves. It takes work. I’m certainly still working on it. It takes mindfulness and self-remembering...

Self-Care for Bipolar Depression

Similar to the list for Self-Carefor Hypomanic Episodes , this is the one I use for depression. Some entries are exactly the same, but they work differently here. Self-Care Strategies for Bipolar Depression Tell someone what’s going on. Verbalizing it makes it real and lets you know you’re not alone. Stick to the routine . The routine will get you out of bed. The routine will get you fed and showered. Let the routine take care of you. Try caffeine. If you aren’t addicted to caffeine and it still has the effect of giving you a little jolt, sometimes it can help. Be sure you aren’t in a mixed episode first though. Avoid stressors. Fuck em. Distract, distract, distract. My go-to is streaming. I save a few favorite shows for the shittiest of times. Some people find more comfort in rewatching. Maybe your go-to is music, drawing, reading, video games. Whatever you can hand your brain over to for safe keeping, do that. Limit social media. Funny memes? Sure. Doom scrolli...

Sleep

All of my life, nighttime has been my favorite time. I’m most at peace, most relaxed and myself at night, when the world has gone to bed. When there is no more work, no chores or errands, and the phone can safely be ignored. Loved ones sleep soundly, needing nothing from me, and I am free to write, to read, to watch old movies, to unwind completely, stay up late in the quiet dark, and simply be. But the number one signal/trigger of a bipolar episode is disturbed sleep. My respite has consequences. So now my sleep hygiene (such a Dr. Kellogg kind of term) is perfect. A good eight hours every night (drug induced if need be). No caffeine after three, if at all. No alcohol. No wild nights out. The choice is follow the routine or lose even more days to the disorder. Be good or else.

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