The Bipolar Brain on Drugs

Every brain is unique. Bipolar brains are unique in a similarly maladaptive way to each other, but even then, they are unique from each other too. Because of this, drugs that affect the brain can affect bipolar brains differently than they affect nonbipolar brains and other bipolar brains.

That’s why it can take years to discover the right cocktail of medications to help and/or stabilize a bipolar brain.

That’s why the drug I was prescribed for heartburn could send me into a raging suicidal depression.

That’s why so many people discover they have bipolar when they are prescribed an antidepressant and end up with an episode that sends them to the psych ward.

That’s why the drug I’m on to (hopefully) attenuate the nerve damage in my leg, which the pain specialist said might make me “a little groggy,” has me holding-the-walls stoned and thinking one thought on repeat for five minutes at a time.

Every new drug is an experiment. Every combination a risk.

Just another perk of being bipolar.

Comments

What Bipolar Does to the Brain

I’ve been researching what bipolar does to the brain and seriously—fuck. There’s both a lot more research than my 25-year-old B.A. in Psychology could assimilate and not nearly enough. A layperson’s book on the subject is sorely needed. Here’s the gist. * There’s solid evidence that the dysfunction during depressive and manic states causes changes that persist into our baseline states. * There are several neurotransmitters involved: dopamine, norepinephrine, serotonin, GABA (gamma-aminobutyrate), glutamate, and acetylcholine at the least. And hormones that act like neurotransmitters are in the mix, too, like endorphins and oxytocin. * Brain structures yet discovered to be involved/affected include areas of the prefrontal and temporal lobes, the hippocampus, thalamus, and hypothalamus. * Bipolar affects both grey and white matter, meaning both the structural elements of the brain and the connective tissue between them. And by affects, I mean corrodes over time. There’s mor...

Mania v. Hypomania

There are two major differences between mania and hypomania. The first is one of degree; the second is psychosis. Hypomania can do damage. It can fuck up relationships, end jobs, empty bank accounts, and all kinds of other outcomes of impaired judgment and lack of control. Mania blasts right through that stuff and into immediate extreme consequences like violence, jail time, and/or hospitalization. Complete detonation. And if there is any kind of deviation from reality, that is, by definition, mania. Delusions, hallucination, extreme paranoia—any form of psychosis that can’t be attributed to another diagnosis like schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder—that’s mania. And mania means bipolar 1. But again it might be a matter of degree. During the worst of my episodes, I experienced paranoia and inflated self-esteem (delusions of grandeur), but not enough to get my label switched from 2 to 1. Bipolar 2 is like a thunderstorm—there’s lightning, wind, a deluge even. It’s a littl...

The Week Everything Fell Through

Over the last two years I’ve built a “social calendar” of weekly in-person or, more often (thanks COVID), virtual get-togethers. Mostly they are play (cards with my parents, movies or favorite tv shows with friends), but some of them are work (shared constructive time, support group, therapy). These interactions are super important to my wellbeing. They give me something to look forward to. They offer connection and distraction. They keep me from feeling stagnant and help me feel grounded. One week, not long ago, everything fell through. People had other one-off events, health issues, visitors from out of town. And suddenly my world felt very small. People are necessary. It doesn’t have to be heavy, we just need people to be people around. People to laugh with, to care for, to exist with. It’s everything really, at least to me. Without people to be a person with (as often as it suits you), what’s life about? One week without my people—I went a little stir crazy, the world got a...

blobfish-a-go-go

Search This Blog