Being Prepared for the Worst (Hypo/Manic Edition)

There are so many things we can fuck up in a flash when we aren’t in our right mind: ruined relationships, physical injury, destroyed property. Stories of going to jail or becoming homeless aren’t uncommon.

And don’t forget all the fucking.

Or spending money you don’t have, spending other people’s money, gambling, or making bad investments.

Oh, and the drugs, because impulse control doesn’t exist, and it feels so much better to be fucked up than it feels to be me. Because I just need a goddamn break from this bullshit that is my brain.

Ok, so how do we prepare for hypo/mania?

* Tell someone at the first sign. This makes it real and undercuts any denial. (This also means you need the self-awareness to watch for signs. Meditation helps with this.)

* Cancel everything.

* Take any emergency prescription drugs you have (like benzos).

* Do what calms you.

* Stick to the routine, including sleep (<- hear that?).

* If you find yourself beginning to make bad decisions, call or text somebody. Maybe it's the CRISIS TEXT LINE (text HELLO to 741741) or maybe it's someone who can be with you. If they can stay on an open phone call or chat with you, that’s better than nothing. Best case scenario, this is someone who will call your psychiatrist if things go from hypo- to manic and they need a higher authority to intervene.

There’s no cure. There’s just riding it out doing the least damage possible. Man, do I wish that was otherwise.

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Hand Flapping

Sometimes, when I’m hypomanic, I flap my hands. I can usually make it stop if I try, but it feels better to do it. Sometimes I pace, fast. I try not to let anyone see me do these things. I’ve heard people refer to these actions as stims, a term borrowed from the autism lexicon meaning calming repetitive motions. These are not stims. This is psychomotor agitation. This is Brad Pitt in 12 Monkeys . It’s restless energy that needs to escape. There’s no treatment for it in particular (besides treatment for bipolar as a whole). It’s just another symptom, a sign for me to pay attention. A disappointment when you thought things were going well. Psychomotor agitation is embarrassing to me. There are a lot of symptoms of bipolar that no one can see from the outside, so I can pretend I have things under control, at least in front of some people. But hand flapping gives it away.

Welcome to Blobfish-a-Go-Go!

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Brain Helpers, Part 2a

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